


Grief is inevitable, and so is the end

by aspiringTwiceFan (itotoro)



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Euthanasia, F/F, LGBTQ Themes, everyone is old, im trying to remember all my triggers warnings, it's actually really sweet btw, it's all 9 of them to varying degrees, major character deaths
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:21:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23280058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itotoro/pseuds/aspiringTwiceFan
Summary: It's Sana's fiftieth birthday.Dystopian Euthanasia!AU
Relationships: Minatozaki Sana/Myoui Mina
Comments: 23
Kudos: 92
Collections: ~Darling and Honey~ A Misana Collection





	Grief is inevitable, and so is the end

**Author's Note:**

> I had a dream two days before the MiSana collection opened, so I decided to make the most out of it.
> 
> Comments and criticisms are welcome! Hoping you read everything in the collection!

Sana turns fifty on a Saturday. That means Mina doesn't have to take a leave from the Community College, and they can relax together before the Bucket Aid kicks in.

Of course, nobody calls it the bucket aid in public. Just their circle of friends.

Nayeon had coined the term during her own Midday Party, after chugging a liter of punch. "Best party ever! Bucket aid, here I come!"

Jeongyeon, sober, hugged the drunk woman then. The seven other women at the party joined in, the group hug devolving into a sob fest before Nayeon called for more shots. Even as a fifty-year-old woman, Nayeon matched the local Community College girls in alcohol intake.

Sana sees the bouquet of blue lilies on the doormat of her house. It comes with a card in script, "Happy Birthday, dear Sana, from the Community".

She brings the bouquet inside before any of her neighbors see it. Places it in the empty vase she prepared the night before. The clock of her living room reassures her; five in the morning is still too early for anyone to be awake.

Except herself. She hasn't slept yet.

Sana draws the curtains of her large windows. The promise of morning light paints azure the white walls of her home. The sun is yet to rise. She returns to her favorite couch, picking up the book haphazardly splayed on the coffee table.

The plan for today was to finish the book, then wake Mina up for breakfast and take a stroll around the neighborhood. Next would be to eat at the al fresco across the river for lunch, then to visit the Community office for some final papers. Then they will catch the sunset, and the evening they will play by ear.

Sana spends some time reading her book, the one that Momo left behind for her. Momo had said that it would help with the last moments.

"You're awake so early." Mina descends their stairs with gentle footsteps on the hardwood. It is unfair how beautiful she is now, how the azure of the sky turns gold at the moment it makes contact with her skin.

Mina rises with the sun. What used to be the steps of a dancer are still limber, addled by the onset of rheumatism (at least, that's what Mina claims). Wearing an oversized shirt, Mina looks not a moment above thirty from afar.

Sana beckons to her, to come close and sit beside her.

"Happy birthday, my love." Mina's hand is tender as it entwines with Sana's. "Not yet done with the book?"

Sana traces with her eyes the crow's feet and laughter lines on Mina's face. They came without warning, settling around Mina's eyes with the passing of time. Sana has come to love them as much as she loves the moles on Mina's face.

They are proof that Sana has made Mina smile in the years they spent together.

"I'm not even past the tenth page, Mina." Sana pulls her wife close, resting Mina's head on her shoulder. They lounge on Sana's favorite couch. "I think I'm giving up on it."

"It's been more than a month. I think you shouldn't force it." Mina traces circles on Sana's stomach, intimacy in what used to be sensual decades ago. Sana's ab muscles are not what they used to be, pudgy with age, but Mina giggles nonetheless.

"Can we stay like this for a while?"

"Sure."

Sana watches the glow of the window. Golden sunlight mixes with azure, gentle as it paints the ceiling of their living room. It is invasive now in its slow certainty.

If there exists a divine being, please, don't let the sun rise just yet. Give them this moment for eternity.

But the sunrise is inevitable. When gold replaces every trace of azure, they make breakfast.

_Nayeon lays on her bed. The eight younger (but only by a few years) women surround her, and Jeongyeon holds her hand. There are ten minutes before midnight._

_"I'm surprisingly okay," Nayeon croaks like a frog. "I thought I would be worried for you, Jeongie, but you won't be alone after this."_

_Sana watches how Nayeon's lips pale by the moment. How Nayeon grows weak in a matter of minutes, the potency of the Community's bucket aid. She takes notes._

_The benefit of not going first was that she could prepare better for when it was her turn. But why did it have to happen so soon?_

_A heaviness settles in her throat. Trepidation for what is to come, and gratefulness that Nayeon is brave enough to go through it first. She holds Mina's hand tightly, keeping her tears locked in. They promised Nayeon that much._

_Sana can see how Jeongyeon struggles to keep the promise now. The muscles beneath the older girl's eyes quiver with effort._

_Nayeon sees it too. She reaches up, breathing heavily, to caress Jeongyeon's face. To smooth out the eyebags of her lover. "I'm not sorry for loving you, Jeongyeon. I just wish the Community was kinder to people like us."_

_"Shut up," whispers Jeongyeon, eyes watery. "I'm trying not to cry."_

_Nayeon manages to chuckle. Already, the Community seal is visible on her neck in the ugly blue of a bruise. "You can cry after. Just promise me you'll be okay."_

_She receives Jeongyeon's assent before closing her eyes for the last time. Midnight._

_Jeongyeon wails like a child. Momo embraces her from behind, steadfast even when Jeongyeon tries to shrug her off. The other girls join in chorus, Mina burying her face in Sana's shoulder. Hot tears drench Sana's sweater._

_It is selfish, but Sana can only think of the time that Mina will have to let her go, just like this._

Everyone deals with grief in a different manner.

Some people run away. Some people read books. Some people dive into work. 

Sana, she plans ahead.

She and Mina take a walk around her neighborhood. The morning light catches the soft greens of the trees, a canopy over the stone path they followed. Leaves rustle in the wind.

Mina wears an umber coat, perfect for the temperate weather of their neighborhood. Sana wears the exact same one in black.

Today is December 29. It was taught in school that December was one of the winter months, back when the Community still had no control over the weather. Snow was fragile in small amounts, melting against one's body heat. But in multitudes it was merciless, a blanket that brought eternal slumber.

It would have been nice though, for everything to be white and cold just for today. Or maybe Sana was being poetic.

Mina entwines her hand with Sana's. Her wife's fingers are cold, so Sana stuffs their hands into her coat pocket. It brings them closer to each other as they walk.

"Do you want to visit anyone in particular?" Mina asks. "I think they will appreciate it."

Sana thinks for a moment as they continue on the stone path. "We can visit Jihyo at the community center later." She prides herself in the measure of her steps - that she and Mina are in sync as they walk.

"How about Momo?" Mina offers.

"I'll be with her every day, so I'd rather visit the people I will miss." Sana punctuates the sentence with a chuckle. "I think we should visit Dahyun though."

They take a left at the fork, walking a couple of blocks before turning left at the end of the road. Dahyun's house is situated in the more affluent part of their neighborhood, as she is a model citizen.

"Will you tell her that it's today?"

"I'd rather not."

Sana rings the doorbell of Dahyun's house. It is an exact replica of their own house, as Community standard dictates: white walls and large windows, a doormat where they receive Community packages. Already, there are three stacked on Dahyun's doormat: two for her children, one for herself.

Eunwoo, Dahyun's husband, answers the door. Just as how the Community handbook dictates. He adjusts his spectacles for a clearer look at his visitors.

"Good morning, Eunwoo," Mina greets from beside Sana. "Is Dahyun available?"

"For the two of you? Of course." Eunwoo is still in his pajamas, but he steps aside to let the couple in. "Hang your coats. Stay in the living room while I call her."

Sana and Mina sit in the living room that looks almost exactly like their own. The only difference is the absence of both Sana's favorite couch and a vase with blue lilies. But Dahyun will not be receiving such a bouquet in the next twenty years.

"Auntie Sana! Auntie Mina!" Jihyeon's familiar voice accompanies rushed footsteps on the hardwood stairs.

Sana stands to embrace the running girl. She has grown so fast; Sana still remembers what it was like to hold the newborn child. That was more than a decade ago.

Jihyeon lets go to embrace Mina. "You don't visit us enough!" exclaims the younger girl, a spitting image of her mother.

"How old are you, beansprout?" Sana chuckles as she ruffles Jihyeon's hair.

"I'm fifteen already, auntie Sana!" Jihyeon stands with her arms akimbo, face in a mock pout. Her eyes are bright.

"Jihyeon, you haven't cleaned your room yet!" Dahyun's voice echoes throughout the house this time. "You can't talk to them until you're finished."

The young girl realizes with a jolt, quickly excusing herself before heading back up the stairs. Her feet thunder on the hardwood as she ascends.

"I want to run like that again," sighs Mina, "but my joints aren't what they used to be."

"You're beautiful even when you take your time down the stairs," assures Sana with a soft squeeze on Mina's hand.

"Sana! Mina!" Dahyun descends the stairs with as much energy as her middle-aged body could handle. Not much in comparison to Jihyeon. She has more gray hairs than all the other girls, her thick spectacles adding years to her age. Dahyun looked a decade older than Sana, and she had just turned forty-eight.

She embraces Sana. Dahyun hasn't grown any taller since she turned twenty, standing a comfortable number of inches shorter than Sana. The hug is warm, and Dahyun does not let go.

"I'm not ready for tomorrow," admits Dahyun.

"Neither am I," responds Sana.

Dahyun untangles from Sana, embracing Mina with just as much tenderness.

They move to the kitchen as Dahyun makes them coffee. It came in the package they received today; premium beans imported from Neighborhood 8.

"Where's Dawoo?" Mina asks Dahyun about her eldest son.

"He's going through the Military Discipline course now." Dahyun closes the stove, lifting her red kettle with a mitted hand. "Dawoo's ambitious about getting in a good Community government position."

"Following his auntie Jihyo's footsteps I see," Sana remarks. She watches as Dahyun pours the fresh coffee into five red mugs.

"He was inspired by Nayeon, actually." Dahyun places the kettle back on the stove. "She was the Singles' representative on the Community Council after all."

The term that the Community uses for her demographic doesn't sit well with Sana. Mina notices, squeezes Sana's hand to comfort her.

Dahyun addresses the elephant in the room. "Are you not setting up a Midday party tomorrow, for your birthday?" 

Sana has planned for this question. "We've already had two Midday parties in a row last month." There was one for Jeongyeon on November 2, and one for Momo seven days after. She sips her coffee as she watches for Dahyun's reaction.

"It's not just for you, Sana." Dahyun sits across her, holding one mug in her small hands. Dahyun's expression is morose. "It's so everyone can see you one last time. I could send an express message to Chaeyoung-"

Sana interrupts. "Oh, so you're able to get in touch with Chaeyoung now?"

Dahyun responds calmly. "You know how affected she was by Jeongyeon."

Sana pushes on the table, the scrape of her chair louder than intended. Beside her, Mina sips her coffee. "We were all affected by Jeongyeon, but Chaeyoung wasn't there for Momo's Midday party."

Dahyun sighs, massaging the space between her eyebrows. "I know, Sana, that's why I'm talking to her about it."

Dahyun was a model citizen after all, able to inspire harmony in her group of friends. Sana bites back a retort.

"Sana, you know how much Chaeyoung loves each and every one of us." Dahyun reaches forward, one palm up. "She just had her weak moments. And she's working on that."

The palm up was their group's way of diffusing tension. In a group of nine girls who grew up to be women, arguments were unavoidable and usually explosive. Nayeon, as the eldest, had started this habit as a symbol that they were all in the same team.

It is in moments like this that Sana misses Nayeon terribly. She takes Dahyun's hand, squeezes it.

"I'm still upset that she didn't see Momo off."

"Me too."

_Momo moved into Jeongyeon's house the day after Nayeon's fiftieth birthday. It was against Community standards, but Jihyo made it work using her status as the Vice Councilor._

_Sana and Mina made it a point weekly to visit their house across the street. Sometimes Dahyun would join in with her husband in tow, and when the schedule allowed it Chaeyoung and Tzuyu would visit from Neighborhood 19. Jihyo was busy as always, but always made time for their birthdays._

_It was difficult to watch Jeongyeon lose the light in her eyes, to watch her grow gaunt as weeks passed. It was difficult to comfort Momo, who knew she would never be able to soothe Jeongyeon's hurt but tried to, nonetheless._

_Jeongyeon's fiftieth birthday was a simple affair, a lunch at her house with everybody present. It was the first time she had smiled in a long while._

_She ran away right after. Chaeyoung had followed suit._

_Momo found her ten minutes before midnight, curled up on Nayeon's grave._

The bright light of the sun dances on the river. Sana watches for a moment, entranced, before turning to her menu.

The al fresco diner is a special treat by the Community, a luxury meal and view that would otherwise be deemed as unsustainable behavior. To avail of its services, citizens had to exchange a golden coupon, of which they are given only two in a lifetime.

It was one of the rights allowed to all citizens, whether or not they married by the age of thirty.

Sana and Mina used their first golden coupon in the exact same place when they married each other twenty-five years ago. It was a marriage with no Community record; hence no wedding bands were allocated for the two of them.

Wedding bands were the least of their concerns.

Sana slices the poached egg that rests on top of rye bread, watching the spread of its custard yolk. She feels the urge to push it back together.

"It's as good as I remembered it to be." Mina cuts her own poached egg, spreading the yolk over the bread. She places some fresh salmon and capers on top of the bread, slicing it in concentration.

"You haven't even taken a bite of it," Sana teases, cutting a piece of her bacon before dipping it in her yolk. She cuts a piece of bread and places it all in her mouth.

"I can tell by the smell alone," Mina responds with a grin before taking a bite of her own dish.

There was something about eating meat that made everything celebratory. The Community promoted a vegetable-dependent lifestyle to help combat the scarcity of resources. Meat still finds its way around, though - Dahyun receives eggs that she shares with everyone and Jihyo always brings at least a leg of cured ham to every celebration.

Bacon starts as a salty, greasy sensation in Sana's mouth, balanced out by the creaminess of the egg yolk. The taste is a welcome newness, a depth in flavor that could not be captured by any number of soybeans and asparagus. The rye bread brings it all together.

Sana cleanses her palate with a sip of wine. Thankfully alcohol was not as controlled as meat.

"The day I married you," Mina starts, "I knew where we were headed." She reaches over to place her hand over Sana's, to smooth out the skin on the back of her palm.

Sana feels a thickness in her throat. She studies Mina's face, can see from this close the beginnings of gray hair on her head.

"Sana," Mina assures her, "today will not mar the years we spent together."

And Sana grieves, then and there. That she will never see how Mina's hair turns gray with time. But she doesn't show it, not yet. She wants Mina's last memories with her to be perfect.

They surrender their last gold tickets to the clerk of the diner, then walk to the trolley stop for a two-hour trip to the Community center.

_Tzuyu comes to Momo's Midday party an hour late, and Chaeyoung does not come at all._

_The tall woman embraces Momo. "Happy Birthday," says Tzuyu. "I'm sorry I couldn't convince her to come."_

_"It's okay," Momo responds, wrapping her arms around Tzuyu's frame. "It's been a rough week."_

The line at the Community Center reception is the most arduous part of the day. The yellow walls are grotesque in their brightness, cheery poster greetings of "The world is better" and "Live with Certainty" plastered every couple of meters.

All the queues are full of people submitting documents and applications to the Community Center, as it services over a hundred neighborhoods. Sana lines up first at the General Admissions queue but is redirected to the Final Papers Office behind the building. She beckons to Mina who is sitting by the waiting area.

The line at the Final Papers section is shorter, with only four people in the queue. Three men and women, with full heads of gray.

Sana lines up behind them as Mina sits in the waiting area.

"A Single, huh?" The clerk is a young man in his twenties. He receives Sana's community ID with a sneer. "Your types usually come here in the morning. No Midday parties to deal with?"

The remark makes Sana impatient. "I'm looking for the Vice Councilor. "

"Oh, so you're part of her crew," the clerk puts dismissively but straightens his posture. "You're what, the third in two months?"

"Just," Sana resists the urge to slap the clerk, "fetch your boss."

The clerk knows not to push Sana any further. He leaves his post.

Behind Sana, three other people line up. One man, two women. All with gray hair.

She forces herself to turn away from their curious eyes. Nayeon has come so far to spread awareness after all, that Singles could still be of use to the Community despite not rearing any children. Not a lot of people looked down on them like before.

"My daughter was a Single too," one of the older women addresses Sana. "She's beautiful like you."

Unsure with what to say, Sana responds with a curt nod without turning around.

A woman clears her throat from the clerk's desk. It is Jihyo, who had just arrived.

Jihyo addresses her with the air of authority. "You took your time, Sana."

"I wanted a relaxing morning, and I didn't have any midday parties to plan." Sana fakes a sigh, then smiles at her friend.

Wearing her hair in a bun and donning the gaudy Community Council uniform, Jihyo could blend in with any disgruntled civil servant. But her big eyes shine the same as the day they met, when Jihyo was still reckless and Sana immature. They remained friends after they broke up.

They embrace briefly over the counter, Jihyo waving around a red paper bag. "Where's Mina?" Jihyo looks around, then waves for Mina to come over. Even past her forties, Jihyo still carries herself with the same charm and energy that launched her political career.

Mina embraces Jihyo over the counter. "So you'll be taking care of me starting tomorrow?" teases Mina.

Jihyo chuckles. "Of course! Daniel will be more than happy to see more of my friends around here." She places a hand on Mina's shoulder. "We'll come tomorrow to help you move things and all."

It is the same arrangement Jihyo devised for Momo and Jeongyeon - Singles can change their address by registering as an official Household Caretaker in the Community record. She lobbied for it as an energy-saving arrangement; the Community loved saving energy.

Jihyo processes Sana's papers, then administers an injection in Sana's arm. "It's proof that you're following community protocol and should counteract the pain compound already in the Bucket Aid." Half of Jihyo's explanation flies over Sana's head.

"You're really not going to tell the rest of them?" Jihyo asks as she covers the puncture site with an adhesive. "That you're leaving tonight?"

Sana shakes her head. "I want people to remember me without the Community seal on my neck."

"Take this, at least." Jihyo hands Sana the red paper bag. "My specialty gift." 

Inside the bag is a whole leg of cured ham. Sana giggles before giving Jihyo one last hug. "Take care of Mina for me."

They wave goodbye.

Before the doors of the Final Papers section close behind her, Sana learns that the woman next in line is Momo's mother.

"You heard that too, right?" Sana asks Mina. "The clerk called for Mrs. Hirai?"

"Yes," responds Mina. "Do you want to talk to her?"

Sana ponders, then decides against it.

_They sit in the living room of what used to be Nayeon and Jeongyeon's home._

_Momo sits on the couch, with Mina and Sana to her left and right. She pales by the minute._

_Mina clasps Momo's left hand, pulling it close to her chest. Sana sits beside Momo, talking to her to keep her awake. Nobody else is there, as Momo requested._

_Ten minutes before midnight, the seal of the Community is visible on Momo's neck. Sana traces it with her fingers._

_"Your fingertips are really hot," Momo slurs as she fights to stay awake. "But keep it there. I like the heat."_

_Sana retracts her fingers momentarily, then places her full palm on Momo's neck. The older girl hisses, then sighs into Sana's touch._

_"Take my book, Sana, don't let the cleaners have it," Momo whispers. "It's helping me now."_

_Sana is silent because she is about to cry._

_"If there is an afterlife," Momo jokes with effort, "I'm going to smack Jeongyeon upside the head."_

_"Stop talking nonsense, Momoring," Mina chides. She is already sniffling._

_"It's really cold, I don't know how Nayeon handled it so well." Momo shudders._

_"It's because Nayeon is the strongest of us all," Sana answers with a tight voice. She tries to stay strong._

_Momo is not listening anymore. "I'm starting to forget everything." She surges upward with an unexpected strength, panic in her voice. "Sana! Mina!" Momo flails her arms._

_"We're here!" Mina cries, trying to push Momo down. "Please don't exert yourself! You're supposed to stay still!" Momo is too strong; she smacks Mina's hands off of her as she tries to stand up. Her legs wobble, the bucket aid already targeting her lower extremities._

_Sana, on instinct, tackles Momo. Keeps her on the couch with her full weight. "Momo, we're here." Sana presses her cheek to Momo's cold one, embracing her by the torso._

_Momo calms down. "It's hot, but I like the heat," she whispers. Sana can feel Momo's soft smile as her body continues to grow cold. "Don't let go until I leave."_

_Sana's hot tears fall in Momo's hair, with Mina's soft cries echoing hers. "We love you, Momoring," Sana whispers into Momo's ear, again and again._

_They fall asleep like that, all three of them. It feels familiar because when they were children, they would visit each other's houses and play until they were exhausted. At night Sana and Momo would form shadows with their hands and candlelight, and Mina would narrate stories where they slay dragons and live happily ever after._

_Sana dreams of her youth until the cleaners wake them up._

It was not planned for Sana and Mina to catch the sunset on the trolley back to Neighborhood 21, but it will have to do. Jihyo's red paper bag smacks itself against Sana's leg with every jolt of their cart. Mina tucks her head in the crook of Sana's neck.

The golden sunlight takes its time tucking itself below the horizon. Streaks of red and azure chase after it across the sky.

The sky is clear, and the sunset comes promptly at six PM, about the time Mina and Sana make it to the gate of their neighborhood. The sunlight has left them, and it is the last six hours of Sana's birthday.

They take their sweet time walking around the neighborhood.

The canopy of trees looks different in the evening, the moments before the Community streetlamps open. For now, the view is ethereal, the clusters of leaves a dark navy outlined by the azure sky.

Mina's hand finds Sana's, pulling it into her coat pocket. Sana chuckles at the gesture and comes close. Their steps are in sync.

Outside their house, Mina turns to Sana. "Kiss me."

Sana asks no questions. She closes her eyes as she kisses her wife.

She will miss the tenderness of Mina's kiss in the afterlife.

Sana spends her last six hours as if watching custard yolk leak from a sliced egg. She and Mina wait it out in the living room, on Sana's favorite couch.

The streetlamp outside their house diffuses pale light, entering through the large windows. It is night now, the blueness of a bruise painting the walls of their home.

"Do you want dinner?" asks Sana, "Jihyo gave us some more meat". She isn't hungry.

"No, let's stay like this." Mina pulls Sana close, burying her head in the crook of Sana's neck.

"Can I open some of the lights? I don't like how dark this house is."

"I'll hug you as we walk."

Sana giggles, pulling Mina up from the couch. She wraps a strong arm around her wife's torso, and they waddle to the light switch. Mina clings on.

Soft, amber light floods the living room, and Sana releases a breath. The blue lilies sit on a vase in the dining table.

They make their way back to the couch, Sana picking up Momo's book before they settle in the same position. Mina traces lines on Sana's stomach.

"Don't force yourself to read it," Mina whispers into Sana's neck. Sana obliges, tossing the book back on the coffee table. "I'll ask her for a summary in the afterlife," chuckles Sana.

Mina smacks her in the stomach without much force. "It's too soon to go into delusions."

Sana chuckles some more, then buries a kiss in Mina's hair.

"Had I been a few decades younger, we'd probably be getting it on about now," Sana jokes, earning another playful slap on the stomach.

"Wasn't last night enough for you?" Mina teases. "Your joints could barely take the stress."

"You're right," replies Sana, and they fall into a comfortable silence.

Shadows move across the wall, giving Sana an idea. She stretches her hands towards the ceiling until they catch the light of the streetlamp. The shadows of her hands take shape: first a bird, then a dragon.

The shadow of Mina's pinky joins the scene. "And so Princess Sana will be off to another quest!" Mina exclaims in a tiny voice. "To slay the dragon that has captured Nayeon, Jeongyeon, and Momo."

"Will you be okay?" asks Sana.

Mina continues her narration. "She may leave her queen Mina behind for now, but she will make up for it by finding Mina a penguin in the afterlife!"

Sana giggles. "No fair, you're a queen and I'm a princess? And penguins are imaginary creatures."

Mina tickles Sana's stomach. "Shut up, I'm the narrator." They fall on each other like children, and Sana catches Mina in an embrace. They lie on Sana's favorite couch.

"I'm scared now," Sana whispers into Mina's ear, as if telling a secret.

"What about?"

"I'm scared that you'll end up like Jeongyeon."

"I only have three months to wait. And even then I'll have Jihyo, and Dahyun, and Tzuyu, and Chaeyoung when she's ready."

"I'm scared that all you'll remember of me is my cold hands and lifeless body."

"Maybe for the first month." Mina is honest, breath warm on Sana's cheek. "But you've given me twenty-five years' worth of happy memories. I won't let those go to waste."

"I'm scared that I'll never see you again."

"I'm scared of that, too." Mina tightens the embrace. "But even the Married lose their spouses at some point."

Sana burrows her head in Mina's neck. "But they get a whole twenty years more than we do!"

Mina chuckles. "But you've given me just as much love, if not more." She combs a hand through Sana's hair. It comforts them both.

Sana yawns. "I just remembered that I haven't slept since last night." She sinks further into Mina's embrace. "I'm not as young as I used to be."

"It's just nine PM, you can still sleep." Mina plants a kiss in Sana's hair. "I'll wake you up."

"I can wait it out." Sana sits up. "It's just three more hours."

"Come back into my embrace."

Sana obliges. Mina's skin is warm against hers. Her hand finds the hand of her wife.

If there exists a divine being, please, don't let midnight come just yet. Give them this moment for eternity.

She is lulled to sleep by the warmth.

Then the warmth becomes heat.

Sana jolts, falling backwards on the couch. Everything is dark. "Mina!" she yells into the darkness, flails her arms in its expanse.

Her body is numb, cold seeping in like venom in her veins.

"I'm here!" Mina calls her out of the darkness, and Sana can see again. Mina's beautiful face, the moles, and laughter lines she has loved the past years.

Mina's hands find Sana's face, caressing it. "It's almost time." The warmth is now heat, almost uncomfortable on her skin.

Almost. But it tells her that she is still alive.

"I get what Momo means now, when she said she loved the heat." Sana's hand finds Mina's, and she braces herself against the heat.

"What's it like?" Mina's voice sounds as if coming from underwater, an azure sea that Sana could fall into at any moment. Her vision blurs as she struggles to keep her eyes open.

"It's like an anchor that keeps me tied to here." Sana then falls in the darkness once more.

Her body is weightless in the cold expanse, her mind barely awake. But there is a heat that gets hotter and hotter on her right hand, and it anchors her.

She knows it is Mina, so she holds on.

"I love you so much," she says to the dark expanse. There is heat on her face now, and it wipes the tears that fall from her eyes. Mina's hands.

Mina's kiss. A whisper of love.

Sana holds on to the heat, wondering what would happen if she withstood it, if she could anchor herself to this heat of life.

But the night is inevitable. And so heat becomes warmth, becomes nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> if you want to look at my brain process while writing this, check out my annotations: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Ilp4o9XmoYxeuFoqRke6bBZhI7mnWgge3GbH6GEfZ6U/edit


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